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I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*