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Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
I just threw up my weekend.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?