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Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Tieam... problem solved
I have nothing!