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What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?