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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.