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My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.