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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.