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How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.