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3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.