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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face