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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.