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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.