Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with ā€œI was young. I needed the money.ā€
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.