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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.