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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Iād slap you but Iām pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.