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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can`t make eye contact.
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.