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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.