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if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.