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I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
I slept with my best friend’s wife last night and now I feel terrible. …. ….. She must have given me a cold or something.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.