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I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.