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I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!