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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I just made you think of an elephant
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.