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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook