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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)
Back in my day we had 9 planets.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.