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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"