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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Attention fuels immaturity
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.