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only fights if pillows are present.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.