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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.