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Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.