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I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
is available for rebound sex.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about