Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”