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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.