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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
I only accept apologies in cash.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.