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If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?