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The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
How do I tell a man he loves me?
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!