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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.