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*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.