Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.