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I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.