Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...