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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.