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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.