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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
Not so great minds also think alike.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown