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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
Beer is good, but beers are better.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.