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"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.