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The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?