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My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.