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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson