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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....