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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.