Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Please pay me in cash. I`m not trying to hide money from the IRS, I`m trying to hide it from the MRS.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.