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If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.