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Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.