Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?