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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.