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You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
:): The Bipolar smiley face
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie