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You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.