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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.