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I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
The fox says you need to stop.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
I wish bedtime was all the time.
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.