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"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.