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Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
This day needs more tomfoolery!
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
is "insert clever remark here."
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.