Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.