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My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?