Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!