Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.