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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Don’t believe everything you think.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.