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I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.